Self Help Now: A community blog

Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade offers ideas for maintaining your mental health.

Adult Temper Tantrums

Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger | Apr 23, 2015 4:20 PM

Do you know the couple which always has the same fight? It usually occurs when one of  pair experiences lots of frustration and decides to use some little trigger to release tension on the partner. For example, partner A has a little accident around the house. Then,  partner B decides to let loose with no tact or empathy, a loud and harsh voice and an ugly facial expression, complaining about personality characteristics of partner A..The tirade may have little or nothing to do with the accident. First, the angry person feels justified and relieved to get something off his/her chest.

What he has accomplished is no help to the relationship. Does he secretly want to end it? Does he feel inadequate and want to declare himself one up? If the partner has any self-respect whatsoever, she/he invalidates the angry claims and/or or acknowledges any kernal of truth therein. Soon, the mad partner feels like a bad guy or like it's impossible to win. Usually, they make up, but these types of repetitive spats and tamtrums can easily wear down a relationship, creating cracks that make bigger real issues count more towards possible undermining the whole deal.

When hurt feelings build, whoever is most savy first might well ask why Partner A feels so hollow in the first place that a tirade becomes a sad attempt at power? Is she losing her memory or other faculties (such as hearing), affected by alcohol or drugs, comparing herself to smarter and more successful peers and feeling inferior, tired, scared of aging, suffering from mental illness, feeling guilty about something and wanting to displace blame, or reminded of painful prior experiences and overreacting on that basis? Brainstorming, a little detective work and repair in the relationship could help prevent future episodes/ It's important, unless you don't care.

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  • lukashik img 2016-05-05 12:09

    Good evening. You have a very disturbing letter, all in such detail and described in detail, because at stake is your life. In my opinion You absolutely adequately assess the situation. A crisis event for the modern family are not something exceptional. Their occurrence is linked to a wide range of objective social circumstances - war, economic crises, natural disasters, etc. However, the true causes of these crises must be sought in developments of the nature of marital relations themselves. Showbox

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