Self Help Now: A community blog

Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade offers ideas for maintaining your mental health.

Having It Both Ways-Dr. Jackie's Mental Health Moment

Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger | Mar 22, 2015 5:49 PM

Sometimes, people think there's a choice between all or nothing and cheat themselves out of an opportunity. Look at the woman who ended a good relationship because she loves adventure and her independence. She may be right.

However, there are many couples who enjoy their togetherness, even live together or are married, and still respect each other's independent, adventurous spirit, not denying each other freedom and opportunities to exercise that part of themselves. There's more than one retired husband who lives in warm weather a large part of the winter, while his enterprising and dedicated professional wife works up North and visits when she can. (Sometimes, the husband is working and the wife escapes to the warmth.)

The same is true with visiting friends and family separately, going to educational events, and traveling. Many a world traveler goes with a friend, or a group or alone, while the partner enjoys the peacefulness of home. The separation makes them miss each other, unless it's too frequent and long, and then they may feel too lonely and unsatisfied to be content with the situation.

The keys to balancing independence and togetherness in the relationship are that the couple agrees respectfully to each other's choices, rather than feeling manipulated, helpless, or resentful. Love allows each person to be a separate individual, not a close or shadow. The latter is characteristic of dependency, and there's a healthier kind of interdependence in a good relationship-one which provides for each person's needs in balance, with appropriate compromise.

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  • lukashik img 2016-05-05 12:56

    Not only love is able to extend the family fortune, because the whole house a single Foundation is enough. To strengthen family relationships you also need and understanding. If the family prevails in full agreement and harmony, it is, of course, is the owner of happiness.

    However, there are situations, when it is very difficult to find common ground. It happens that even the most devoted to each other people in a completely different look at the situation, expressing your opinion. And here it is important to find a compromise, because if both will defend their point of view, this could end very badly. The conflict risks to go into open aggression, to circumvent which will help another necessary condition for happiness — sacrifice. Showbox

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