The Sandwich Generation

Eliza B 2011-03-16 21:08

I heard your ad on WITF regarding the "Sandwich Generation" and I thought I'd share my story. I am 33 years old and a married mother of a 3 year old and also host a 16 year old girl from South Korea. My mother suffered a debilitating stroke in 2002 (left her without the ability to speak or use her right side and some brain damage), at the time she was just married to her second husband who was caring for her and my older mental handicapped brother who lives with them. However, in late 2009, my stepfather was diagnosed with stage 3 throat cancer and ended up separating from my mom in early 2010. I was asked to step in and care for her and my older brother's needs. Both whom which require a lot of care.

I now, not only care for my own household, which includes my husband of 7 years, my son who is almost 4 years old and a South Korean host student who is 16, but also I care for my mother's household, which includes her (she is 61) and my brother who turns 39 in a week. I do everything for them. I pay all their bills, take them grocery shopping, pick up their meds, sort their meds, make sure they take their meds, take them to doctor's appointments, mediate arguments, shovel snow/cut grass, take the dog to be groomed, fixed whatever is needed around the house when something breaks, basically do anything and everything they need from day to day.

You may ask why I do this. Why I don't put my mother or my brother into a home, or bring them into my home. First, the home I have right now isn't big enough for all us (although my husband and I have discussed moving into a larger home to bring them in), secondly, I can remember my mom asking me since I was child never to put her or my brother in a "home" or retirement facility as long as someone in the family was able to care for her or my brother. I want to try to keep that promise.

I am also starting my own business after getting laid off last July and have not been able to find re-employment, which has been a blessing in disguise just because I'm not sure how I would care for my mom and brother is I was working (even part-time). So my life is very very busy but even with everything on my plate, I can't imagine not being their for them and doing everything I can for them. My mom always stressed family when I was growing up and she would often tell us that all we had were each other. I want to honor her and what she taught me and care for her as long as I'm able. I just love them so much and without me I am scared what would happened to them and who would care for them.