Self Help Now: A community blog

Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade offers ideas for maintaining your mental health.

Complaints and Complainers

Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger | Jun 3, 2015 6:01 PM

We'll all complained about something sometimes, including me. It can be realistic, annoying, revealing or all of that and more. There's an old saying that we can tell more about the complainer than the complained about person or thing. While that's not always true, I've noticed it a lot lately.

The person with the worst sense of direction complained most about her CPS malfunction and was largely placated and then ignored by the dealership. The enabling parent complained a ton about everyone who should have helped the child, just a tad about herself and not really about the child, citing his disability for all his wrong choices. Facing their own failures would be too hard, of course. The system may be wrong, but so are the people who did the wrong deeds. The husband complains about the wife's nagging but doesn't realize what a lazy jerk he was to provoke her. The wife complains about the husband taking off time from chores without admitting how worn out she has him. And on it goes.

Wouldn't it be good if we would take into account the difficulties of the task we want done, the complexity of satisfying our needs, the intentions of others and our own responsibility in whatever goes on?

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