Self Help Now: A community blog

Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade offers ideas for maintaining your mental health.

Begging for Love Rarely Works

Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger | May 13, 2015 6:29 PM

Many a desparate spouse, fiance, partner or date wants more affection, attention, intimacy or love than he or she is getting. She cries. He begs. There's a chase going on. The chased one then feels pressured, smothered, frustrated, unsure or downright turned off, even disgusted. The love-starved person says she loves him soooo much and wonders why he doesn't feel honored. But, does she understand his feelings and needs? Does she care? Is she listening? Sometimes, she honestly believes that he doen't know how important they can be to each other and thinks he'll give in and appreciate their relationship more in the long run. She just wants them to act as a couple and bond better.

However,  the partner  often has other ideas,  at the worst - maybe involvement with someone else, or, less severe- wanting some space or a greater sense of self-determination  or freedom or a sense of choice or control.  So, the pushiness doesn't work. It backfires and makes things worse.

The best procedure is to back off respectfully and lovingly, letting the other know what he or she has to offer, that he or she feels affection or love and understands empathetically where the more distant person is coming from. Being a sweet and kind friend is a turn-on. Not demanding but suggesting and then giving an opportunity to choose leads to appreciation. If love is there, it will more likely come around. If it's not, at least, the results won't be bitter. There's more of a chance that they'll stay in touch and either reconnect or end with peace.

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  • lukashik img 2016-05-05 12:29

    In a relationship we try to convey, to share all my feelings and experiences, all the while confess my feelings, I like to share how and what I feel. But I suspect that I have and in return expect the same. Noticed some pattern - as soon as you start to reveal their feelings, the partner pauses and does not manifest itself, feeling - he knew I loved, so I don't have to strain to achieve, to uhajivat, and maybe lost interest???? But it is necessary to silence me, to hold back their emotions and feelings, he, like, wakes up, begins to manifest itself actively. But I think there is something wrong, a lack of confidence, can't find, but I don't like it. Showbox

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