Self Help Now: A community blog

Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade offers ideas for maintaining your mental health.

Crazy Love-To Be Avoided or Corrected

Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger | Nov 7, 2013 10:49 PM

If we've grown up with fighting as part of the everyday scenario, it's hard to relaize that it's not healthy. That's true especially when there was an alternation between fighting and real acceptance, protection, dependency/codependency and even love.

However, good healthy love isn't fighting. Love isn't drama. Fighting and drama distract from real intimacy. Good long marriages may survive some ups and downs but really intense fighting isn't characteristic of them. They're part of bad relationships and ones which eventually destroy their participants and the relationship. Very little is worth fighting about when you're trying to build and sustain a good relationship. That's true of marriage, living together, dating and parent-child relationships. That doesn't mean you'll agree on everything. Disagreements are OK. They can be discussed, voted on, brainstormed and making a compromise or taking turns works.

Get counseling, if necessary. Find out where all the anxiety, insecurity, bitterness and anger are coming from. Learn not to overreact. Learn to think before speaking and acting. Set limits and boundaries. Don't tolerate drama and abuse. Don't participate. Withdraw or leave, if that's what it takes to be safe and to teach that the fighting, abuse, and drama won't be tolerated. Love is not being afraid to insist on integrity and caring, kindness and peace. Love does not reinforce horror.

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