Not long after I started my business, I quickly learned I had to figure out how to master the concept of "effortless." People wanted entertaining advice and to hire me to handle their parties. Despite the dozens of books and articles that I read, and the other so-called professionals that I spoke to, no once could tell me how to effortlessly entertain. All they could say was that entertaining is about pleasure – both extending it and indulging in it. What I needed, though, was someone to tell me how to translate that idea into meaningful rules or principles that I could apply!

What I learned I put into practice weekly. I have even teach a class around my learning. When I teach the class, I always regret that I am not invited to enjoy the final exam – the first party. Are my students successful? I can't say for sure. But what I do know is that no one has ever called me to take the same class on referral. I'd say that's a sure sign. For sure, any successful host/ess isn't going to really tell everyone that they took a class to learn that. For that matter, who ever thinks to ask their host/ess where they learned their entertaining savvy? So now you, too, can learn what those other host/ess' know. These are my secrets and this is the formula I teach. It is simple and can be used by anyone for any entertaining occasion.

Why entertain?
We entertain to express ourselves and extend our own brand of hospitality. Of course this presumes, one – that you have discovered your own "brand of hospitality" and, two – you have taken the time to create a plan for the party. These are the starting points. Without these two little pieces of information, you will, instead of creating a party, create nothing more than stress for yourself.

My Six Secrets

Secret #1. Great parties require planning.

There is no way around this little fact. Even the most spontaneous of gatherings, at some point, require a moment of reflection. In that moment some kind of plan emerges. It can (and often should) be as simple as a few thoughtful minutes (that's minutes) of reflection. In fact, some of the most memorable events are the easiest to pull together.

Essentially, all you need to think about is when (the date and time), and what type of food and beverage you will offer. If, for example, you think "Sunday afternoon, with tea and sandwiches", the remaining components to the party should easily suggest themselves. Then all you have to do is define the parameters around which you will entertain.

I know of no better way to do this than to close my eyes and imagine myself already at the party. I focus on what I can see? Are there two types of teas being served, or four? Are there just tea sandwiches, or are light pastries served, too? Are people dressed-up, or is it a casual affair? After this exercise you simply can trust your instincts: you've already experienced the party you want to host. Now you can create it.

Secret #2. Choose your guest list with care.
A successfully hosted event begins with you! You are the first, and perhaps, most important guest. A host that is happy and willing to indulge in the pleasures of their own home (or your selected venue) naturally conveys a sense of comfort and ease. That spills over into the mood your guests are received with and carry with them throughout the event. Along with that, however, comes the good sense to invite only the people you want to have at your gathering. When you are tasked with the things that you will want (or need) to do to get your home ready for guests, it becomes much simpler (not to mention enjoyable) when you are happy to be doing it for people you enjoy keeping company with. If you don't like them, don't invite them. Period. If you have to invite them, hire someone to manage the party and the guests for you (but then it's not really a party is it? It's a function. Hire professionals to manage your functions).

Secret #3. Do one thing less.
Knowing what you are creating and who you are creating it for makes the rest of your planning effortless. Ask yourself this next question: Do I really need to have [it all]? Just fill in the blank for each detail of your party. Answer honestly and watch your to do list dwindle down!

Yes, it's hard -- to answer honestly and for ourselves. We get caught up when we're in stores, or reading magazines, or even worse listening to TV commercials. They all convey the message that we should (and can!) do more. "More" is just an invitation for overwhelm. If you stop at each step of the way and ask yourself your one simple question, you'll discover that more often than not "more" doesn't result in better. It's just going to be more. (More work... more hassle... more money... more time....)

If you've done your planning right, and your guest list is a congenial group of people, it's easy to subtract from the whole – even if you're hosting a black-tie, gourmet dinner. Do one thing less. If you don't tell anyone what you didn't do, for sure they will not miss it!

Secret #4. Use prepared foods; style them as your own.
There are a multitude of specialty markets, food stores, gourmet take out services, catering houses, and well, yes even grocery stores that specialize in prepared foods. Why on earth should you venture into your kitchen unless you are 100% comfortable being there and preparing the food? Even if you are, you might choose to spend more time at your party than in the kitchen, and there's nothing wrong with that. Even as a chef I am happy to let others carry the load when I'm the host.

My point is simple: prepared foods can be styled and presented as your own. You save yourself time, headaches, and hassles. And, if you choose your purveyor with care (that means you've tasted their wares before) you can treat your guests to magnificent nibbles and delicious fare, and they never need know that you weren't the chef behind it all. Here's how:

Less is more. There's luxury in simplicity. Your house-wares and your table are a canvass to express your personal style – even if it's someone else's food.

Do not crowd a table with food. (See the "Less is More" and the "More isn't Better it's just More" concepts, above). Spread the food service and bar around your home. Use each space for one type of food service or one beverage. Use the food and the bar areas to keep people circulating throughout the space you are entertaining in. If you invite guests to sit down for dinner, carefully plan how (and where) you serve your meal. Serve family style only if you have adequate space to place all the dishes in the center of the table.

Secret #5. Prepare for the inevitable disaster: Have a Plan-B.
You planned dinner for 6 people and suddenly you find you're entertaining 8 or 10. You are distracted from the kitchen and you burn the appetizers (or worse, dinner) to a crisp. Everyone, quite unexpectedly, has become gin drinkers and your bottle is empty before you are through cocktails. Your daughter's soccer game ended with a surprise trip to the emergency room and you return home less than 1 hour before your first guest arrives. There is no way to plan for the unknown. However, with a well-stocked pantry and a Plan-B in place, you can successfully navigate any minefield of disasters the entertaining gods choose to throw at you.

If (or I should say when!) it happens, the only thing you can do is take a deep breath, smile, and remember Secret #1. You have to make a new (but silent) plan. Do a quick assessment of what you have on hand. Get your guests out of the kitchen and occupied with something to distract their attention from you. Tell your spouse or sympathetic guest of your predicament and ask them to help create the distraction while you recover. They are the only ones that ever need to know.

The success of your Plan-B comes down to your willingness to remain calm and get creative. Keep in mind the reason for the gathering. Rarely is it the spectacular 4-star-food or rare collection of wines you've assembled. Enjoy the company of those you have invited and execute your Plan-B as if it were intended all along. No matter what happens, your event is still a delightful success.

A well-stocked pantry, refrigerator, or freezer (or all of them combined) is your life-line when disaster strikes. Here's your Plan B:

Before the party:
Stock your pantry, refrigerator, or freezer. A well-stocked kitchen allows you the flexibility to easily add another course to your menu, or substitute a course all together, such as soup or pasta. With a few reliable and quick-to-prepare staples, you can create additional hors d'oeuvres, stretch a salad course, or create antipasti or cheese plates in minutes.

During the party:
Use smaller portions to stretch what you have to accommodate unexpected guests.

Add an extra course to satiate your guests if you are serving a formal sit-down meal. Soup (especially when served with bread) is perfect for this. I always keep Alessi brand Italian soup packages on hand, and chicken broth. The soup comes together in less than 15 minutes. Swirl a bit of olive oil or butter into each bowl before serving, and no one is the wiser. I do the same with Pasta. Add wine, garlic, onions, and fresh herbs to a high-quality jar of Marinara sauce, and then serve with a grating of fresh, aged Parmigiano Reggiano.

Serve your meal family-style. People take smaller portions when all the food is being shared at one time.

Use your own plates, platter, silverware, and service pieces if you use (or need to use) take-out for your dinner service.

Secret #6. Arrive early; host yourself.
Shortly before your party begins, there is only one thing to do: arrive at your own party– as your own guest – and indulge yourself. The first guest to any party should always be the host. The simple fact is that until you arrive at your own party your mind-set is still on executing your plan. Even more so, every guest wants to be greeted by their host with smiles, and warmth. Not a hurried, harried, rushing, and overwhelmed person in plan-execution mode.

The only way to do this is to be ready to receive guests 20 minutes before the first guest is expected to arrive. It has become one of my own hard and fast rules of entertaining. Anything that remains to be done is left undone, until the first guest offers their help (as someone always does...). I promise if you do this only once, it will become a part of every party plan.

Yes. For 20 minutes before I welcome the first guest, I begin by entertaining me. I enjoy a glass of wine, or a cocktail. I sneak a little bite of the food. I freshen up a bit. I take in the sights and enjoy the music. I put myself right in the middle of the party I am about to host. I think long, with gratitude, on the people that have agreed to join me and those that will be missed. I imagine how each will enjoy the party and what they might remember most.

There is a kind of magic that happens when you treat yourself as the first guest, and your friends reap the benefit of that magic ten-fold. And, once you are a seasoned host/ess, you can enjoy the simple indulgence of inviting a guest or two to arrive early and share in that magic with you. You say, "Would you like to stop by a few minutes early so we can visit before the other guests arrive and things get busy?" And then you will always look comfortable and relaxed as everyone begins to arrive.

Entertaining isn't difficult, and I don't think it was ever meant to be that way. Take care to use my Six Secrets when you want to host any gathering and you'll quickly learn that you can effortlessly handle any type of party – with any number of unplanned surprises, disasters, or interruptions. You will find yourself enjoying your parties, and wanting to host more. You see, most people want to believe that you just pulled your party together -- even the most lavish of affairs. Whether you have or haven't is of no matter (and no one wants to hear that you've been slaving for a week and are just too exhausted to enjoy yourself). So why not choose the former? Pull it together thoughtfully. That always translates into effortlessly.

Adapted from Six Secrets to Effortless Entertaining, by Donna Marie Desfor. Copyright © 2011. All Rights Reserved. No part of this article may be reprinted without the express permission of Donna Marie Desfor. For more information on the original article or to attend an Effortless Entertaining class visit There's a Chef in My Kitchen.
Copyright © 2011 by WITF, Inc. All Rights Reserved.