Community

  • Compromise

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Compromise

    Published in Community

    Thursday, 31 May 2012 00:33

  • Creativity--Do You Have It?

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Creativity--Do You Have It?

    A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.A healthy, doable life is about compromise. Every day requires some compromise for most people most of the time. You can't spend enough time at the gym, so you compromise by cutting it in half. You can't eat half a pound of candy without getting sick or gaining weight, so you settle for 4 pieces. You can't stay friends comfortably with people who never call first or even call back, so you send a card once a year, an email twice a year, and leave a phone message once or twice and enjoy the friends who stay in touch. You can't always get your spouse to do a lot of chores, so you do some you don't really feel thrilled about. You don't have enough money to travel first class, so you go economy. You choose between two cheap trips or one expensive one. Your spouse/partner wants the latter and you want the former, so you take one cheap trip alone or with a friend and one higher price trip together. Etc.

    If you are someone who won't compromise easily, you're in for some major sacrifice and maybe relationship hard times. One young man I know never settles for anything but perfect housework, turning off his girlfriend so much that marriage may never happen. Another guy won't travel unless he can afford the very most high class, so he hardly goes anywhere. A woman requires a lot of attention from her family and friends, not settling for a reasonable amount, which leads them to avoiding her. I'm sure you get it.

    So, as you go through your day noticing the things which you can only have halfway, be grateful that you have the sanity and consideration for yourself and your others to compromise.

    Published in Community

    Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:23

  • Courage You May Have

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Courage You May Have

    We try to picture what it would be like to engage in a courageous act? Like dreaming of saving babies from a burning plane, finding and reporting a notorious terrorist, rescuing a drowning person, negotiating peace in a dangerous war-torn country, fighting for what's right. The Walter Mitty dream of being heroic, a big-shot, important, admired and knowing we did something memorable to be proud of forever, leaving a legacy.

    Yet, I'm thinking of random acts of courage, just like we think of such acts of kindness. Quietly helping around the house or making love with a backache to make someone happy, spending retirement money on a child's education, traveling far out of the comfort zone to see a grandchild, letting go of a b loved spouse or a beloved child so that he/she can be happy with someone else or elsewhere, teaching in a ghetto, running a not-so-profitable business which improves the world, going back to work as a senior citizen, moving to a new community to support give someone else in the family an opportunity, taking in a foster child, adopting, having a baby, getting married, and you fill in the rest .

    As a write this fragment, I see the overlap between courage and kindness and realize how huge these smaller acts of courage are, especially since, unlike the ones of dreams, they're common and real to everyday people. These aren't acts of being at the right place at the right time with ample adrenaline and instinct. They're everyday acts of courage we should celebrate.We try to picture what it would be like to engage in a courageous act? Like dreaming of saving babies from a burning plane, finding and reporting a notorious terrorist, rescuing a drowning person, negotiating peace in a dangerous war-torn country, fighting for what's right. The Walter Mitty dream of being heroic, a big-shot, important, admired and knowing we did something memorable to be proud of forever, leaving a legacy.

    Yet, I'm thinking of random acts of courage, just like we think of such acts of kindness. Quietly helping around the house or making love with a backache to make someone happy, spending retirement money on a child's education, traveling far out of the comfort zone to see a grandchild, letting go of a b loved spouse or a beloved child so that he/she can be happy with someone else or elsewhere, teaching in a ghetto, running a not-so-profitable business which improves the world, going back to work as a senior citizen, moving to a new community to support give someone else in the family an opportunity, taking in a foster child, adopting, having a baby, getting married, and you fill in the rest .

    As a write this fragment, I see the overlap between courage and kindness and realize how huge these smaller acts of courage are, especially since, unlike the ones of dreams, they're common and real to everyday people. These aren't acts of being at the right place at the right time with ample adrenaline and instinct. They're everyday acts of courage we should celebrate.

    Published in Community

    Sunday, 27 May 2012 18:33

  • Try to Understand

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Try to Understand

    When emotions loom large, logic doesn't cut it. In fact, it's downright intimidating to express emotion and listen to someone give solutions, criticize or discount your feelings. Rather, the old technique of reflecting feelings or active listening helps you feel understood, acknowledged and accepted. It doesn't mean someone agrees but someone cares what you feel. Once you know that empathy is there, you can listen to logic, ideas or solutions, if necessary.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.

    When emotions loom large, logic doesn't cut it. In fact, it's downright intimidating to express emotion and listen to someone give solutions, criticize or discount your feelings. Rather, the old technique of reflecting feelings or active listening helps you feel understood, acknowledged and accepted. It doesn't mean someone agrees but someone cares what you feel. Once you know that empathy is there, you can listen to logic, ideas or solutions, if necessary.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.When emotions loom large, logic doesn't cut it. In fact, it's downright intimidating to express emotion and listen to someone give solutions, criticize or discount your feelings. Rather, the old technique of reflecting feelings or active listening helps you feel understood, acknowledged and accepted. It doesn't mean someone agrees but someone cares what you feel. Once you know that empathy is there, you can listen to logic, ideas or solutions, if necessary.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.

    When emotions loom large, logic doesn't cut it. In fact, it's downright intimidating to express emotion and listen to someone give solutions, criticize or discount your feelings. Rather, the old technique of reflecting feelings or active listening helps you feel understood, acknowledged and accepted. It doesn't mean someone agrees but someone cares what you feel. Once you know that empathy is there, you can listen to logic, ideas or solutions, if necessary.

    For example, the teenager is screaming at mom. Instead of defending herself, mom expresses the teen's right to disappointment, frustration and anger that things aren't going her way. The teen calms down. Or, the husband complains about the in-laws and the wife says that they are truly irritating to him, so he feels so validated and understood that he accepts their long visits better. The friend cries about her long lost love and the other friend sympathizes with comments about the understandable sadness, rather than reminding her what a jerk he was, and the crier finds herself buoyed up and braver.

    Put yourself in the other's shoes, guess the feeling, express it in your own words, share. If you're wrong, no harm done because your effort will be appreciated and corrected. Conversation grows this way and the understood person is more likely to hear ideas and logic later. This process is so much more healing than outward correction, arguing, and problem-solving because someone is ready for it.

    Published in Community

    Friday, 25 May 2012 17:08

  • Guilty or Not

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Guilty or Not

    Ever have someone tell you, "Don't feel guilty?" Well, why not? Guilt is healthy when it's real. Real guilt is the deep remorse you feel after you did something bad, mean, underhanded, sneaky, illegal, harmful to others or to yourself etc . Then, because you feel guilty enough, you don't do it again. You repair the situation. Sometimes, it builds up to a crescendo and it's too late to undo the damage by the time the guilt peaks. For example, the affair takes a life of its own and by the time you want to reverse the situation, there's no going back to a formerly-trusting relationship. Or, the overeating continues until health is irreparably damaged, so that even the new regime of diet and exercise, though very helpful, may not totally undo heart, endocrine or metabolic damage.But, other times, the guilt comes in time. You vowed not to shoplift ever again after one teenage dare and stay above board. The hurtful gossip stops and you only say good things about people. You scream at your family, feel guilty, and teach yourself to treat them with respect.

    However, watch out for false guilt, like when you do something bad and keep doing it but say, "At least, I feel guilty." Self-righteous guilt,confessing your sins only to start over on the same path the next day, is meaningless. It serves as a rationalization to fool you into thinking you're OK, normal and have a right to feel better.

    So, next time you feel guilty, listen to it. Make sure it's not just reverberating messages from your past about behavior for which there's no reason to feel guilty, like eating a normal treat which won't hurt you, taking a day off of exercise or a vacation, or not cleaning the house perfectly--things which won't hurt you or anyone. Weigh the consequences and morality of the behavior and commit to changing it if it is harmful, then make a new plan of action with checkpoints and possibly supervision from a family member, friend, or professional.Ever have someone tell you, "Don't feel guilty?" Well, why not? Guilt is healthy when it's real. Real guilt is the deep remorse you feel after you did something bad, mean, underhanded, sneaky, illegal, harmful to others or to yourself etc . Then, because you feel guilty enough, you don't do it again. You repair the situation. Sometimes, it builds up to a crescendo and it's too late to undo the damage by the time the guilt peaks. For example, the affair takes a life of its own and by the time you want to reverse the situation, there's no going back to a formerly-trusting relationship. Or, the overeating continues until health is irreparably damaged, so that even the new regime of diet and exercise, though very helpful, may not totally undo heart, endocrine or metabolic damage.But, other times, the guilt comes in time. You vowed not to shoplift ever again after one teenage dare and stay above board. The hurtful gossip stops and you only say good things about people. You scream at your family, feel guilty, and teach yourself to treat them with respect.

    However, watch out for false guilt, like when you do something bad and keep doing it but say, "At least, I feel guilty." Self-righteous guilt,confessing your sins only to start over on the same path the next day, is meaningless. It serves as a rationalization to fool you into thinking you're OK, normal and have a right to feel better.

    So, next time you feel guilty, listen to it. Make sure it's not just reverberating messages from your past about behavior for which there's no reason to feel guilty, like eating a normal treat which won't hurt you, taking a day off of exercise or a vacation, or not cleaning the house perfectly--things which won't hurt you or anyone. Weigh the consequences and morality of the behavior and commit to changing it if it is harmful, then make a new plan of action with checkpoints and possibly supervision from a family member, friend, or professional.Ever have someone tell you, "Don't feel guilty?" Well, why not? Guilt is healthy when it's real. Real guilt is the deep remorse you feel after you did something bad, mean, underhanded, sneaky, illegal, harmful to others or to yourself etc . Then, because you feel guilty enough, you don't do it again. You repair the situation. Sometimes, it builds up to a crescendo and it's too late to undo the damage by the time the guilt peaks. For example, the affair takes a life of its own and by the time you want to reverse the situation, there's no going back to a formerly-trusting relationship. Or, the overeating continues until health is irreparably damaged, so that even the new regime of diet and exercise, though very helpful, may not totally undo heart, endocrine or metabolic damage.But, other times, the guilt comes in time. You vowed not to shoplift ever again after one teenage dare and stay above board. The hurtful gossip stops and you only say good things about people. You scream at your family, feel guilty, and teach yourself to treat them with respect.

    However, watch out for false guilt, like when you do something bad and keep doing it but say, "At least, I feel guilty." Self-righteous guilt,confessing your sins only to start over on the same path the next day, is meaningless. It serves as a rationalization to fool you into thinking you're OK, normal and have a right to feel better.

    So, next time you feel guilty, listen to it. Make sure it's not just reverberating messages from your past about behavior for which there's no reason to feel guilty, like eating a normal treat which won't hurt you, taking a day off of exercise or a vacation, or not cleaning the house perfectly--things which won't hurt you or anyone. Weigh the consequences and morality of the behavior and commit to changing it if it is harmful, then make a new plan of action with checkpoints and possibly supervision from a family member, friend, or professional.Ever have someone tell you, "Don't feel guilty?" Well, why not? Guilt is healthy when it's real. Real guilt is the deep remorse you feel after you did something bad, mean, underhanded, sneaky, illegal, harmful to others or to yourself etc . Then, because you feel guilty enough, you don't do it again. You repair the situation. Sometimes, it builds up to a crescendo and it's too late to undo the damage by the time the guilt peaks. For example, the affair takes a life of its own and by the time you want to reverse the situation, there's no going back to a formerly-trusting relationship. Or, the overeating continues until health is irreparably damaged, so that even the new regime of diet and exercise, though very helpful, may not totally undo heart, endocrine or metabolic damage.But, other times, the guilt comes in time. You vowed not to shoplift ever again after one teenage dare and stay above board. The hurtful gossip stops and you only say good things about people. You scream at your family, feel guilty, and teach yourself to treat them with respect.

    However, watch out for false guilt, like when you do something bad and keep doing it but say, "At least, I feel guilty." Self-righteous guilt,confessing your sins only to start over on the same path the next day, is meaningless. It serves as a rationalization to fool you into thinking you're OK, normal and have a right to feel better.

    So, next time you feel guilty, listen to it. Make sure it's not just reverberating messages from your past about behavior for which there's no reason to feel guilty, like eating a normal treat which won't hurt you, taking a day off of exercise or a vacation, or not cleaning the house perfectly--things which won't hurt you or anyone. Weigh the consequences and morality of the behavior and commit to changing it if it is harmful, then make a new plan of action with checkpoints and possibly supervision from a family member, friend, or professional.

    Published in Community

    Friday, 25 May 2012 17:02

  • Our Life Script

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Our Life Script

    Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.

    Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.Our life story emerges from the basic story of our families in the beginning--where they're from, what they name us, their hopes and expectations, their personalities. There's a basic script, such as "you will be stylish," "you will be educated," "family will be everything." It's not always positive. The bad scripts include substance abuse, poverty, other abuses, and some of the scripts say "you will be damaged," "you are inferior," or "you're not lucky." People can live up to their scripts and play them out or break out of them, defying stereotypes and seeking experiences which expand their relatities, and, therefore, their selves. Or, they can compromise.

    For example, one child of a pious, large family grows up to be a religious and productive family man, while another becomes an irreverent, single partier. An only child of serious scientists grows up emotionally spoiled but ultimately responsible. One of ten siblings consciously chooses to have a small family.

    Scripts aren't written in stone. They can be sculpted. It helps to be aware of them as we move along in this life.

    Published in Community

    Friday, 25 May 2012 00:06

  • Our Inner Self

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    Our Inner Self

    Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.

    Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.Who are we really? When we sit quietly and peel off the layers of appearances, affectations, habits, intellectual skills, and outward emotions, what's left? Usually, young or old, sophisticated or superficial, we find some inner personal sense of self. Whether a spiritual connection with the world of others or just a memory that we have existed as a unique being since birth and will continue to do so, there's someone there. Our identity, both vulnerable and strong, is what saves us from mental extinction when life knocks us down. It's what makes us honest with others and helps them know and trust us as human, what is loveable and comprehensible within us. Some people refer to this inner being as "the child within."

    Get to know your real self. Don't fool yourself by the drama around you and how you participate in it. Don't fool yourself into believing you are just who you try to project to others you are, especially when you are trying to impress. Embrace your weaknesses, your faults, your failures, forgive yourself, care for yourself and make honest efforts to improve without fakery. Take pride in your strengths without elevating yourself above others. Don't be afraid to be average in some ways. Don't be afraid to fit in or to be different. You are not an image. You are a fellow human being and in need of the understanding of other human beings. But they can't understand you, if you don't.

    Published in Community

    Thursday, 24 May 2012 23:59

  • If Mama Ain't Happy

    Written by Dr. Jacqueline B. Sallade, Community blogger

    If Mama Ain't Happy

    "Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life.", but ;"Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life." As an addendum to my diatribe on "the man of the house," yesterday, let me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'.et me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'."Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life.", but ;"Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life." As an addendum to my diatribe on "the man of the house," yesterday, let me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'.et me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'."Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life.", but ;"Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life." As an addendum to my diatribe on "the man of the house," yesterday, let me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'.et me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'."Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life.", but ;"Ain't Mama happy, ain't nobody happy." "The hen rules the roost." "Happy wife, happy life." As an addendum to my diatribe on "the man of the house," yesterday, let me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'.et me say that the woman of the house better be sensitive to that man, even if she is the major or equal decision-maker. Many a successful, powerful businesswoman, for example, has lost her darling to the young assistant who knew how to make her man proud and honored with the soft touch and admiring eye. Where's the power in that? If you're old enough to know "I Love Lucy," Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver or Alice in "The Jackie Gleason Show," you know that there's a careful balance between equality, stroking the male ego, and survival as a self-respecting strong woman. These role models, along with the real life Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth, and Joanne Woodward know a thing or two about happy marriage. Because I'm a master of cliches today, let me just end this short note with "We're a work in progress." Let's keep pluggin'.

    Published in Community

    Thursday, 24 May 2012 23:46

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