19 and Counting - A Community Blog

19-year-old Karissa Swartz responds to current topics

Forgiveness & Love

Written by Karissa Swartz, Community blogger | Jan 16, 2014 3:41 PM

I have absolutely no idea how to begin this blog. I guess I’m having a hard time deciding what the best way to say this is, because this topic is so dear to my heart.

Just today I experienced something incredibly amazing. I’m not even sure a single word could capture it. What I experienced was forgiveness, understanding, respect, care, gentleness, and comfort.

What I experienced was love.

I don’t want to use the word “love” in a frivolous manner, because it’s so much more than that. It’s not an emotion used to describe pleasure from food, or obsession with items and people. Love is complicated and complex. But when someone really, genuinely, shows you love, it’s the best feeling in the whole entire world.

I’m not talking about a romantic relationship. Although those are important aspects of life, this kind of love I’m describing is so much more than physical attraction and connection. The person that showed me love today is someone that I hated, and I even told her that straight to her face multiple times. This person is someone who listens to me complain about my life and all the things that aren’t going right. She is someone who I confide in, and someone to whom I look to give me the answers to life and the situations I’m going through. She helps me see that not everything is bad. She tries to help me find the good in myself. She will sacrifice her time just to talk with me.

I’ve known her for over a year, but it took until today to realize how much she truly cares about me. Yeah, I had known that she wanted to help me. She told me she would not walk away from me. For a long time I figured she would just give up on me after a while. I had given up on her countless times. Sometimes I would get so mad at her that I would vent to others about how much I hated her. Meanwhile, all that time and energy I spent mad at her, she would try to think of ways to better help me. There is one thing I can say about her that I am completely confident about: she never gave up on me. She still hasn’t given up on me. And I’m not sure why.

I have been mean to her many, many times. I have said things to her that I never knew would come out of my mouth. But through it all she’s been there, every step of the way. She’s always looked out for my good, even when all I could think of her was evil.

I was walking out to my car today when it really hit me how much she cares. As much as I tried, I couldn’t think of one single reason why she has stuck with me throughout all these times. It just doesn’t make sense! I know that if I were in her position, I would have given up a long time ago.

Even after all the stupid things I’ve said and done to her, she forgives me. It is unlike any other type of love that I’ve ever known, outside of my family. No matter what I’ve done, she doesn’t hold it against me. I don’t understand it, which makes me appreciate it even more.

It finally hit me today that she is unlike anyone I have ever known before. No matter what I go through, I am confident that she will be there for me. I’m sad it took me this long to realize what a gem I had when all I thought I was holding was dirt and mud.

In all my years I don’t think I will ever be able to live up to her standard. She has shown me what it truly means to care for someone. Love is not an emotion; it is an action. She has constantly demonstrated to me through her life that she means what she says and she will stick to it.

I never thought I would be writing these things about her. I never expected her to care so much, especially after all the things I’ve put her through. Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected.

I still am unable to comprehend why she cares so much. I guess that’s why it really is love. She is teaching me not to judge people before you get to know them. The best things can come from the most unlikely situations or places. I am learning this things daily.

All I can say is how thankful I am. I have been beyond blessed with her unfailing compassion. She is truly a special person, and I can only hope to one day be as genuine and caring as she is. She has permanently touched my heart, and I know I never want to forget her.  

“Our fingerprints never fade from the lives we touch.”

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